Bob's wtf El Topo Review

     El Topo, you crazy bastard you. You kept me intrigued throughout, and I was always curious to see what was going to happen. I didn't expect you to lit a pile of dead bunnies on fire. But you did. I think there might have been symbolism there but it went over my head. I was more like, "what the fuck they just lit a pile of dead bunnies on fire."

     That isn't to say all of the symbolism was lost on me, but some of it definately was. Even still, the things that happened were always interesting to see. I.e. I have a huge beard let me rub some beehive on that:

     You know, I don't even want to review this anymore. I just want to tell you about the weird shit that happened in the 125 minutes of WTF El Topo. The main character's ladyfriend was looking in a mirror for a bit. She seemed to like it. And the main character (whose name I just found out is El Topo. Thanks IMDB) he was like "bitch quit looking in that mirror" and shot it. Then he used the pieces to cut some Russian lady's foot so he could kill her husband. Duh.

     To be fair, she was looking in that mirror all the time; swimming, riding her horse, having sex in the sand. It was a gift from this other lady who was traveling with her and El Topo. This other lady, now she has the hots for El Topo's lady. How do I know this? Because she mouth sexed some fruit. I got the symbolism there, ha. She was trying to  lesbian it up with El Topo's lady and she wasn't being shy about it.

      Lets see, what other stuff happened. Oh yeah, tons of cripples! There was more cripples in this movie than Freaks (1932). There was even a guy with no legs riding a guy with no arms so they could make one disturbing regular person with the right amount of limbs. I felt kind of bad, but what the hell they chose to do it and got paid, and took part in a very popular, controversial cult movie. 

     I may have gotten off track a little bit. There was a lot of symbolism that made me think. El Topo was searching for something in the desert. He was tracking and trying to kill four gun masters so that he could be the best.  And God was somehow helping him or something, to find food and water in the desert. Like, shoot this rock...oh yeah water came out. That's interesting. Dig under my shadow. Yep, eggs come of the sand. Geez, it's really hard to keep this review on track...
     Everytime El Topo met a master he learned something. For example. When he met the second master he lost a shoot out. The master didnt kill him but shot the gun out of his hand and explained to him why he lost. He basically said he blacksmithed to strengthen his hands, then built complex fragile objects to give him control and dexterity.

     Like strength without control is useless. I get that. The master also explained to El Topo that he and his wife are so intertwined that she gives him strength and vice versa, and that El Topo can't beat that. So what does that clever El Topo do? He throws those broken glass pieces from the mirror near her barefoot feet. (good thing he shot that mirror) When she gets up she cuts her foot and her husband kneels to her side to pull glass out of her foot. Boom, El Topo shoots him in the back of the head. So I guess the lesson is don't be dependent on anyone because if you are, El Topo will shoot you in the back of the head. He doesn't play by anyones rules, not even his own.

     Honestly, I have no idea how to rate this movie. I didn't enjoy it. I think I liked it. I was always curious to see what was going to happen. It kept me intrigued and everything was so random. I don't know what the point of it was but I'm sure there was one. It made me think too. I like that aspect.

Rating (out of 10):
Enjoyment: ..5
Intrigue: .......9
Symbolism:.10
Sense: ..........2
Total - 6.4

     This rating system doesn't make sense, but neither did the movie. I've never didn't enjoy a movie but at the same time liked it. Maybe I appreciated it. Something something Go Bills. This is a hit Bobby. Somehow, it's a hit. Thanks for making me watch it.

Bob's meow Pick #2

Onibaba. Look at that. Would you just look at it? Look at this look at that, hmmamhmam what an idiot.

Bobby's Pick #2

E L   T O P O

BY ALEJANDRO JODOROWSKY

Alright Bob, it's time to up the anty. The first round was exactly that. We both got hits. Now I'm throwing a bit of a curveball and I'm just going to see what happens. Alejandro Jodorowsky's El Topo, financed by John Lennon and Yoko Ono and banned in the United States for decades, is the ultimate surreal art film/cult spaghetti western. There are plenty of WTF moments, but also an amazingly strange story that will keep you guessing. For all the grime and terror it deals with, it's also a beautiful looking film; Jodorowsky has an amazing eye for composition.

So take a chance on this one Bob. But maybe not with a sixer and a box of pizza. This is more of 'just had lunch and maybe it's raining out and I'm going to watch this movie now,' sort of thing. Enjoy!

Attack The Gas Station! Review

I'm just going to go out on a limb here and say this is a movie Sal probably wouldn't like. (Actually, very little of it involves baseball or defaming the great American sport, so maybe he would. Who knows. Well, I guess Sal knows. So... there you go. Sal knows. Ask him.)

Woo, alright. This was tough. It was a near-miss but ultimately I'm going to go with hit for this one. Keep up the good work Bob!

The movie starts with opening POV shots of driving around at night in Korea set to some pretty terrible music that is sort of like Korea's idea of mid-90's alternarock. Kind of like Korean Jane's Addiction. Come to think of it, the opening is extremely similar to the beginning of HBO's Entourage. Shame on you, Entourage. I will never not have that stupid Jane's Addiction song stuck somewhere in my head. It's like there's a little annoying voice in my head going, "I wanna be your superheroo," every day, at all the times, but just at a very low volume.

Anyway, after that the movie sets up its seemingly simple plot: A group of four disenfranchised Korean youth, looking vaguely like some kind of Korean Smash Mouth, decide to attack a gas station.

And that's it. That's the set up.

Now, as far as set ups go, you've got to give it to them. That's a ballsy move. And the rest of the movie includes similar ballsy moves on the part of the director and writer. I think that's ultimately why I gave this movie a 'hit.' I can't say I always completely enjoyed it, but I always admired it for its goofball take on apathy, violence, and power dynamics.

What I also liked about the movie was its use of canted angles to illustrate those power dynamics. At first I thought it was kind of gimmicky and lame, but it grew on me and it's a visual choice I think really worked.

Other than that, there's gang wars, weird montages of people eating Chinese food while standing in a circle, strange musical numbers by Korean Backstreet Boys-types, lots of bad music, and a few goofy laughs. This definitely wasn't a knock out of the park, Bob. I'd say it was more of a single. But hey, you got on base.

P.S. I hate Jane's Addiction.

Repo Man Review

Boom. Hit.

     Spoilers. This movie was pretty good. I laughed a lot and there was a lot of great one-liners. Emilio plays a young punk ass kid, which he might have been in real life because he plays the part so naturally. He's pretty straight forward and says "fuck you" a lot, which I approve of. And you know it's going to be a good time when the main actor wears a dangling cross earring in only one ear.

     He gets into the repo business and all of the characters are great; There's a miserable guy that does speed, a 70s blaxsploitation guy, an asshole boss, and a crazy handyman. All together the mix works well and there are plenty of messy situations that they get into. The whole story centers on a car that has something in the trunk that melts people when they look at it. See below. Everyone wants to find the car; the repo men, hispanic drug dealers, a secret group and  the government; and the car has a $20,000 bounty on it.

I also love that any food or beverage item just has a plain white label and the generic name. i.e. cups or popcorn.

It was a fun movie to watch. It was great for eating 5 slices of pizza and drinking a 6-pack. Good choice Bobby.

Hey Bob,

Do you know what that is? It's a copy of the #1 arcade hit, Gauntlet. And I'm throwing that mother down, movie-style, in the form of the 1984 postmodern sci-fi punk classic, 

Repo Man.

Did you know Repo Man was one of Emilio Estevez's first major movies?

YES. THAT EMILIO ESTEVEZ.

Buckle up, buddy. And remember: "Repo man is always intense."

- Bobby

Bob's Movie Pick #1

Bobby, for the first movie I am sending you Attack the Gas Station. It's Korean with subtitles. I watched it a while ago and thought it was awesome. Enjoy!